Iron Man 2020 #5 REVIEW

Writer: Dan Slott and Christos N. Gage
Art: Pete Woods
Price: $4.99
Release Date: July 29th, 2020

Well, its the penultimate issue of the Iron Man 2020 storyline, and this story seems to be following in the footsteps of the actual year of 2020. By that I mean it’s a complete shit show and I want to vacate the planet leaving scorched Earth and salt in my wake. But anywho, let’s jump into this issue rather than jumping off a bridge.

Last issue, we found out Sunset Bain was cloned by Arno. Plus Tony’s conciseness was sucked out of him when he was falling past the thirteenth floor before he went splat, and a cat was a mole the whole time.

This issue we get to find out that the Extinction Event Entity that Arno has been saying is coming (since issue one) was first discovered by his parents when he was just a child. (wait what?) Yes apparently, Arno and Tony’s parents told Arno when he was still in the iron lung that this Space creature will be coming to Earth in the year 2020 to extinct all of mankind and all A.I. life as well.

Never mind the fact that A.I.s were not really even a known thing yet. Never mind the fact that the Stark’s didn’t know their son would get better or did they since they can obviously see the future. Never mind they also raised another boy genius but decided never to tell him about this creature, that is all irrelevant.

What is relevant is Arno has an army of people suited and booted in Iron Man armor waiting on Earth while he is in space trying to connect a device to a satellite so he can take over every mind on the planet so he can defeat this Extinction entity.

While Tony is in the thirteenth-floor version of the Tardis making a new armor out of Virtual Reality material. (wait what?) Yes, Tony is hammering away at materials from the VR realm to make his new armor. His girl Friday is also in this VR world, matter of fact, she is part of this world. So when Tony is building his armor out of this VR world he is in actuality building his armor out of her. Which puts her back in the armor computing systems. WHICH WE HAD 20 ISSUES OF HOW THIS IS DEMEANING TO A.I.s!!!!! (back in Tony Stark Iron Man)

While Tony is smacking his fake hammer on fake bits of Friday, she maintains contact with the Tony Stark team. (Machinesmith, Herbie, Rescue, Bethany, Machine Man, Jocasta, and Andy Bhang) They have gathered everything they need to make Tony a real boy, except a Bio-tube. The only available tube is at Stark Unlimited which is controlled by Sunset Bain.

Cut to clone Sunset Bain who really is just Madame Menace now. She shoots her true self so she can be the only one, Highlander style. While she is distracted doing that, I like the killing bit evil people do, Dr. Shapiro jumps out of her arms and unlocks the doors. (the Cat was a Mole the whole time) Team Tony gains entrance and resurrect their fearless leader.

Up in space at the satellite, Arno works on the outside of the Satellite. He is about to finish and flip the switch when the elevator door dings and out walks Tony in no armor no helmet nothing. Which to the reader is no surprise because we know he is wearing this invisible VR armor, but Arno doesn’t. Arno’s first comment/thought should be how the hell are you breathing in space? Alas, he doesn’t instead he makes light of the fact Tony has NO armor (IN SPACE!!!) As he stands on the OUTSIDE of a Satellite! (a satellite Arno needs to for his plan to work) Arno unloads pretty much every gun, laser, rocket, and whatever this armor has for weapons. (I know it is supposed to be the god killer armor that Tony designed to take out the oversized beefcake The Controller, but this nonsense armor isn’t even half as cool as that armor we saw for two panels almost 30 issues ago. It”s not even as cool as the original Iron Man 2020 armor.) Arno doesn’t even scratch Tony. (or the satellite he is standing on) Tony says that he is wearing a solid hologram virtual armor that is only limited by his imagination. (I almost threw my tablet through the wall) Tony has a flickering wishing machine armor!

In the end, The Extinction Entity shows up and I hope it kills everyone like its claiming to.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

JUST ONE MORE ISSUE LEFT THANK YOU JESUS! Because Dan Slott seems like he just wanted to come on to this series to redesign characters, like putting lipstick on a pig. Some a little, some a lot, some unnoticeably, but he is not giving us a good story. Both of the volumes of Iron Man he has written have been the equivalent of a snake eating its own tail. Next thing we know the armor its self is going to have its own crisis of identity and begin sounding like a high football player at a frat party asking himself out loud in a faux philosophical tone, “Whoa Man! Am I even real…I mean man…I know I’m here but am I really real? You know what I mean Man.” The art is nice except whenever we see anything that resembles an Iron Man.

5 / 10

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