The United States Vs The Salad People: The Cotati has arrived, and the latest attack on every corner of the earth… the likes of which haven’t been seen since the last attack on every corner of the Earth (War Of The Realms, anyone?).We zoom into this issue to Cap leading a group of soldiers to the Pentagon and facing off against his REAL arch-nemesis: bureaucracy! Do you need to read it? More importantly, is it worth reading? Let’s dive in and have a look.

We start out with the briefest of recaps in case you haven’t been keeping up with Empyre. It’s probably a fair guess you have since you’re holding in your hands a one-shot tie into said event. At any rate, it’s one page and gives you all you need to know. After we are all on the same page, we see an unknown infantry unit near Arlington facing off against The Cotati and their leader. We’re never explicitly told what rank he would be, but his name is Shi Qaanth and has a cumbersome title of “mightiest of the Cotati, most beloved of Lord Quoi”. You’d pay extra to fit that on a business card! Things aren’t looking good for the battalion until Cap arrives, and while Shi Qaanth monologues, Cap helpfully tells the gunner to shoot the big bad guy in the head. Somehow that’s all it took to turn back the mighty Cotati “Salad People” army. Why exactly didn’t the soldier literally trained to shoot the heavy artillery think to shoot the biggest salad person in the head? We’ll never know, but before they make like a tree and… {Ahem} leaf… a weird tendril violates Bennett from the infantry. Just wait until this scene hits the NSFW tube sites!

What Cap really needs though is a ride to the Pentagon in the Wakandan hovercraft he borrowed from T’Challa at some point. Cap meets up with General Woodley- technically his boss and ranking officer- and makes an impassioned, Captain America esque speech about how everyone needs to work together, and it’s not just the USA’s fight. It’s everyone’s fight! The General declines to take Cap’s suggestion and orders him to await further instructions. Cap pulls a Cap and enlists the ragtag infantry to help out where they’re needed and disobey his orders.

Finally, remember Bennett and that weird tendril from earlier? The General gets a dose this time, as Bennett vomits up a vine and violates The General. What is it about men in uniform? We close the issue with Shi Qaanth, near Mexico City, monologuing again and making a big Salad Man.

FINAL THOUGHTS

As a one-shot tie into a very big event, do you need to read this issue? Probably not if you’re in it for just the Empyre storyline. If you happen to be a Cap fan anyway, it’s actually a very good standalone Cap story. We get all the classic Steve Rogers hits without it feeling forced. It’s really nice to see Cap inspiring people, making them feel important, and generally acting heroically. It’s been a while since we’ve seen that, even in his own book. The art is generally good, some indistinct faces in places and some wonky disappearing backgrounds in places, but nothing that took me out of the story, but Olivetti’s Cap is always crisp and pops off the page. To sum it up: Don’t feel like you HAVE to get it if you’re just along for the Empyre story, but you SHOULD get it if you want an old school Cap one shot.