Written by: Walter Mosley
Art by: Tom Reilly
Colors by: Jordie Bellaire
Letters by: VC’s Joe Sabino
Cover art by: Tom Reilly
Cover price: $3.99
Release date: March 2, 2022

The Thing #5 continues the battle on the Moon in the Watcher’s abode as the former Heralds of Galactus answer to a new master with a plan to invade the Underworld and destroy Death.

---

Was It Good?

What… The… Hibbidy?!?!

Somebody, please help me. Please help me understand how a comic like this gets made. This comic is so bizarre, so out there, it’s incomprehensible that anyone would think to write it, let alone agree to print it. What is going on! To say it’s been a struggle to understand what Mosley is doing with this character and series is the understatement of the decade.

When last we left Ben Grimm, Amaryllis, and Bobby, they were confronted by three, former Heralds of Galactus in the Watcher’s Moon home that also contains an army of tough-to-smash robots. Now, so much of what’s been going on (not all of it) is revealed.

[Spoilers Ahead]

The mastermind behind the Heralds and the robot army is Dr. Doom. He built the army to invade the Underworld and destroy Death so he can rescue the soul of his tortured mother. Got it? Good.

All of this comes out of nowhere and seemingly has nothing to do with the previous main villain, Mot.

When the fight begins, the teams split up and each good guy is left to deal with a bad guy. Through the fighting and how the conflict is handled, we learn what’s long been suspected – Amayrllis and Bobby are not what they seem.

“What are they?” you ask with rabid anticipation. Well, this is a heavy spoiler, so make sure you really want to know.

–

–

–

–

–

Bobby isn’t a boy in the traditional sense. He’s the son of the Watcher but didn’t know it until it was pointed out to him by a magic sphere he found in the base.

Amaryllis is the Grim Reaper aka Death. Death can shapeshift into any form it wishes and has been the personification of half the oddball characters in this series.

“Wait, wait, wait! Hold up! If Amaryllis is Death, does that mean…” Yes, that’s right. Ben Grimm had sex with the Grim Reaper, and if the last panel of the comic is any indication, Ben is a very generous lover.

Look, I don’t know what’s going on. Reviewing this insanity is nearly impossible, so all I’ll say is read it if you don’t care about anything making sense and just want to see weird things happen at random.

Final Thoughts

There are no words to adequately capture the tomfoolery going on in The Thing #5. You get a lot of answers to mysterious things happening up to this point, but the answers are more bizarre than you could have guessed. This comic makes about as much sense as a shark attack in an ocean made of cotton candy on the planet Venus. Read at your own peril.

5.5/10